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Photo Credits: www.trentonline.com |
There is a story in the Holy Bible. Of women eating babies.
2 Kings Chapter 6 has it that the land was besieged. Famine abounded. Hunger
was the way of life.
Two 'resourceful' women struck up a covenant; "We eat my baby today,
we eat yours tomorrow" they planned.
(They probably reasoned they could birth more babies later. I gather that
those days, women were so fertile that they conceived when male folk sneezed)
The story has it that Baby A belonging to Woman A was eaten by both women
on the first day. On the second day, Woman B hid her Baby B.
The Contract was breached. Kasala
burst.
(Humans reneging on their word. No be today e start. *Sigh*)
The broken contract was tabled before the King.
The King wept...that things had gone this bad. People had become not just
cannibals, but heartless cannibals
(Wait...there are 'heartful' cannibals...right? I mean, it must take extra
stone in the heart to eat a micro-human)
I had always detested those two women. I could never understand what kind
of suffering someone would undergo...to contract to eat a human birthed from their
womb.
I could never forgive these women.
That is; until this weekend.
(Dear future husband, calm down. It's not what you think. I won't eat our
children)
Let me rephrase: I still don't get eating humans, but I think I am
beginning to gain understanding of the type of economic inabundance, which
would make your thoughts wander...prance into unprecedented territory. In hopes
of survival.
For the first time in my life, as an adult, I genuinely feel: THINGS ARE
TOUGH.
This hardship is not of the texture I encountered when I was jobless,
houseless, carless; I could blame my status then.
But I thought I had moved up the economic ladder. And generally felt
settled.
More recently, that 'settledness' has turned into some uneasiness, status
regardless.
(Who status epp?)
It is as though some goblin occupies the same room my bankers keep my salary
account. My used-to-be-enough income appears to suddenly shrink into inexplicable
oblivion.
It finally made sense to me on Saturday. I clearly understood that the
cost of living had actually more than doubled. (Forget deceptive economists
telling us inflation had gone up only 15%)
I almost cried leaving the market. My car trunk would ordinarily be full,
with the amount of money I went to market with. That day, the foot of the
passenger side was barely filled.
Let me not get started on the fuel hike. What would usually take you a
whole week and some days with N5,000 is now about N11,000 for a week.
Anyone who does not feel this 'suffering' should be investigated by EFCC.
They are part of the people who used our reserves to cook rice and beans, with Sir
Dasuki, et al.
(Even your Madam with her
private jet is feeling it. Just thank your God she has not sacked you..yet)
So I called the community in my head for a serious meeting, sat 'us' all
down, and had a talk with us for these hard times. I set the ground rules for navigating
these times:
-
If
you do not ABSOLUTELY need it, do NOT get it.
-
If
you must borrow to get it, you do not absolutely need it. Do not get it.
-
When
you carry your car key, stop. Look into the mirror, ask yourself: “Where are
you going???”
If that place will not generate money, will not make you
healthier, or contribute to the afterlife you look forward to, SEET DAN!
-
If
you have not bought your ticket via travel deals from over 6 months ago, you
must not travel for any summer. After all...is it not summer all year round in
your country??
- All
those downloads that swallow your internet, and makes you spend excessively per
month, ngwa...pause. If you get bored,
go back to your stack of Agatha Christie and James Patterson.
- Improvise!
Improvise!! Improvise!!! You have won the 'yoruba woman' of the year award for
cooking stew with only fresh tomatoes and ata rodo. Ok...Uncle 'Gote is hoarding
all the fresh tomatoes (they said it, not me)... tomato paste will not kill
you. Just add your ata rodo, boil it long enough, and remind yourself that you
are missus cook. The stew will taste the same.
- Still
on food, you can use your efo riro for
EVERYTHING. This government cannot harbor a pot of banging efo and a pot of stew in the same house; at the same time.
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My beloved efo...in whom I am
well pleased
|
- Just
keep driving past that suya joint. Your
efo is waiting for you at home. Shey you're watching your weight, ehhn??
Our brainstorming session was fruitful, long and short of which is to cut
down on unnecessary spending.
In other news, we heard the CBN finally floated the Naira. (Halleluya… ish)
My first instinct was panic: when the Naira ‘unfloated’, the cost of the dollar was so high. What would happen now??
But I've been reading a lot, most of which seem to provide some comfort
that things will ease up pretty soon.
I cannot reproduce all of the economic jargon: some things about Foreign
Exchange Professional Dealers (a.ka. the Dollar big bois); volatility of the Naira in the first few days, before ascertaining
its true value; our economy being pumped with more money...eventually.
It is well.
(You too should read up on all the grammar. Knowledge is power)
What I know is: if we could survive the scary-as-shit regime of that
dark-glasses wearing uncle that they said apple killed;
If we could survive "20 miserable pounds for all your millions";
If we could survive 1.5 cups of water to bathe and three spoons of garri
to soak as a day's meal in boarding school;
Then...
WE. SHALL. BEAT. THIS.
And we won't eat our children.
Kam dan.
Kam dan.
Meg.