Independent women: When should we (cough!) start praying for marriage??

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Image result for linda ikeji
Photo Credits: www.lindaikejisblog.com

Let me just jump on the back of this elephant in the face-me-I-slap-you:

Marriage.

(Maybe if we repeat the word long enough… it will finally stop wielding the remote-control power it has over our people)

Marriage.

Marriage. Marriage. Marriage. Marriage. Marriage.

There!


(Frankly, it is tiring typing the same word over and over)

******

Our elder sister a la blogging – Linda Ikeji – threw a bomb this week. I encountered it via Facebook.

We all remember how she’s flaunted to everyone about her hard-work, and having clawed her way to the top. By herself. As an independent woman. And she has never in the past been one to shy from exhibiting the fruits of her success. (Hey… it’s not ‘va-va-voom’. She worked for it)

Hate her or love her (and her blog ‘content’), you cannot take away her perseverance, consistency and sheer-doggedness. 

Which is why many were shocked when she released a video yesterday, stating her honest wish for her birthday this year: Marriage. A good man, regular sex, a zoo of kids, to be someone’s wife, etcetera, etcetera.

Again, hand it to her: She has guts, spilling her true desires. As Nigerians will say, “She get mind shaa”.

(Me, I cannot even cross the same road with my crush. I’d just hide in the bushes; or fizzle into blissful nothingness.)

I have a confession to make: my interest was not entirely in her anniversary speech.

Ah. I just opened a pack of my fish biscuits and went to the comments section.

(Hay lord! Nigerians = No Chill)

It was as though the frustration meted on us all by this horrible economy and terrible inflation was unleashed in the comments section. Especially from the male brethren.

They ranted. They raved. They ranted some more. They clawed at her. They came back, ranting. They clawed. And raved.

When my biscuits were finished… I got more.

The comments kept me going all night. Clinton and Trump took the night off.

Most reminded Linda of that time she sang about how she did not need a man, and retorted that she should go ‘marry’ herself. (Ok… that is me paraphrasing it. Nicely.)

Others advised her to sell off her riches, and transition into a yam-pounding, house-cleaning prayer-warrior(ing), wife-material(ish) church rat.

Some cautioned her pouring out her desire to settle down with a ‘good man’ (whose brother is the bad one please?), and sneered at what they perceived as feigned humility.

May I not sound like a prophetess of doom; I probably saw about 2.5 ‘nice’ comments. But even the niceness was one kain, as they commended her for speaking up, while admonishing her for not praying enough for marriage on time, finally advising her to “take anyone you see”.

(Chai. You see why I nor get mind like sista Li-Li??)

This post is not to argue for or against whether she has sold out on the ‘independent woman’ phenomenon (and feminism) by tabling her innermost desires for a life-mate. It is not my place. She has her life to live, she is an adult, and is entitled to wish for what she desires. There is nothing wrong in wishing to be someone’s wife. Just as there is nothing wrong in not wishing to be someone’s wife…

Stop.

There is nothing wrong in not wishing to be someone’s wife??” In this our society ke? Fa-fa-fa…'foawl'!

If there is one thing I know for certain, and which I equally gleaned from the comments, it is that we (i.e. the humans in this society) are still a looooooooooooong way from accepting that there are persons – females – who may never get married, or never place marriage as a priority in their life’s bucket-list. Yet, they would be fulfilled in their own way, without their husbandless state, being (necessarily) attributable to the prowess of their community witch.

Confused much?? Let me break it down…

The only ‘reservation’ which I had in the whole of Linda’s birthday presentation was her apologizing for pouring the past 5-6 years into building her career/brand, and explaining that she is now ready to settle down with the giver of regular action.

(You should have read the crazed frenzy. It was as though a pot of Fahrenheit was poured over a heap of already dancing flames).

So, this is me, clarifying it for some ambitious, but quite confused young school-leaver (or anyone else at all):

There is NOTHING to apologise for in working hard and investing in your future.

If marriage is something you desire, and wish to pray for, you may begin your praying from the time of your conception as a foetus. It does not prevent you from building your career or your business. Both are not necessarily mutually exclusive i.e. praying and working on your chosen career path. A little multi-tasking never killed anyone.

And if marriage is not your cup of tea – or is not forthcoming – by all means, invest in yourself. Build your career. Save humanity. Conquer the world.

I know this society may not want you to be great like that, so that even if you discovered the cure for Cancer, while leaping from Mount Everest and building a bridge from Kotangora to San Fransisco, the greatest accolade you’d hear will be “But are you married?”

And I’d often ask: what if one met society’s requirement, married at 25 years old, had four or five beautiful children…. and all children with spouse had passed on before the person was even 50 years old??

IT IS NOT MY PORTION!” you quip, as you twirl your arms round your head and do the signature ‘tufiakwa!’ snap of fingers.

I agree with you. It is not your portion. (Before you will refuse to come back and read my next post)

Just as it was not the portion of my Jamaican god-mother. But it happened to her anyway. Bottom-line is, no one can readily predict the future. All we have is now. 

So there is nothing wrong in praying for a life partner, and desiring a family. Just as there is nothing wrong in not wanting a life partner, and preferring to be independent.

It should be a live-and-let-live society. I still hold the hope that someday, just as we are seeing the light and gradually accepting that there is no superiority in male children over female children, we will come to accept that married or not, every person has the capability to achieve the greatest heights of success, be a huge blessing to humanity, and (truly) live in and leave this world happy.

If you do not agree with me, please, goan argue with your chewing-stick. Or your broken bathroom tap.

(The End).


Paz,

Meg. 


P.s. In Entertainment, there is nothing like bad publicity. If asked, I’d say the nasty commenting boosts Linda’s ratings, and increases traffic to her blog. Just like droplets of water, bouncing off a scorched rock.

I gather she just opened a music studio, right? Oh well, what do I know…

P.p.s Happy Birthday L.I. May we all searching for our (perfect) perpetual action controller, not have our expectations cut short. Amen.

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14 comments

  1. My mouth kpichikom for this matter!lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. You got me at that "...ready to settle down with the giver of regular action" part. Chai! Lmao😂😂😂😂

    ReplyDelete
  3. You got me at that "...ready to settle down with the giver of regular action" part. Chai! Lmao😂😂😂😂

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think an independent or dependent woman who wants to marry should start praying for marriage early enough. if the plan is to be married by 35 start praying like years earlier. ofcourse it's not like God won't answer the immediate prayers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! Nothing stops you from praying and being independent or dependent.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Like you said pursuing your career and getting a spouse of your dreams "Both are not necessarily mutually exclusive". There's an utmost need for balance somewhere somehow cos a lot of people in the course of pursuing their career path and being best at it what they do, they shut themselves out completely from the world. Now, when they are ready to settle down, confusion sets in because they really can't tell if the one coming is genuine, if the one coming is just coming for the wealth or if the one  coming is going to derail them from achieving their career to the fullest. Bottomline is pray, pray, pray and everything would eventually fall in place at the end.

    And about the society we live in, Africa and Nigeria to be precise, they don't understand a person saying they don't want to be entangled in one forever relationship called marriage. They'd tag you an ogbanje, bad - luck, mami-water and all the ill things you can't think of. It's not in our culture and good luck to whoever would want to change it. The person must develop a tough skin cos it's mouth they'd use to finish you.

    There's nothing like constant knacks and your back and all.. Lool

    ReplyDelete
  6. Like you said pursuing your career and getting a spouse of your dreams "Both are not necessarily mutually exclusive". There's an utmost need for balance somewhere somehow cos a lot of people in the course of pursuing their career path and being best at it what they do, they shut themselves out completely from the world. Now, when they are ready to settle down, confusion sets in because they really can't tell if the one coming is genuine, if the one coming is just coming for the wealth or if the one  coming is going to derail them from achieving their career to the fullest. Bottomline is pray, pray, pray and everything would eventually fall in place at the end.

    And about the society we live in, Africa and Nigeria to be precise, they don't understand a person saying they don't want to be entangled in one forever relationship called marriage. They'd tag you an ogbanje, bad - luck, mami-water and all the ill things you can't think of. It's not in our culture and good luck to whoever would want to change it. The person must develop a tough skin cos it's mouth they'd use to finish you.

    There's nothing like constant knacks and your back and all.. Lool

    ReplyDelete