Who stole the Moon, abeg?

Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Photo Credits: tauzero.deviantart.com

A: Ah…you opened today. Why are you looking so morose??
B: I don taya. This Public Holidays …no Customers. Everybody is inside their house.
A: You’re lucky you did not come out early. Since morning, I’ve had only one Customer.
C: And it will continue like this. Government has declared no work next tomorrow too. The Moon is missing.
B: Who could have taken it?
A: Hmmm…you people remember Alice…don’t you??
C: Err...Which one?
A: Alice. The one that is not married…that opened a boutique last year at G.R.A.
B: Ehen?
A:  I gather she’s a witch. She killed the first man that was supposed to marry her, and used the second man’s mother’s blood to make money for her boutique.
B: Oh…ok. Did she use her witchcraft to steal the Moon?
C: What’s the connection with the missing Moon?
A: It’s not related. I just wanted to let you both know that Alice is still not married.
B: (Hissssssss!!!)
C: But this government is very annoying. The President should take responsibility for the missing Moon. He should just resign.
A: How? Why? Did he send mercenaries to steal it?
C: When he will not stay one place. He keeps travelling from place to place. If he had not travelled for the naming ceremony of Kim Jong-Un‘s niece in North Korea, the Moon would not have been stolen.
A: Keep blaming this government for everything o. When your government and your party people almost sold the sun, after emptying the treasury, you did not say anything. Whatever he does, our President is right. #IstandwithAjala.
C: But EFCC has not found the moon with our Party people. Considering it is only our people who they have been investigating, maybe they should check with your people. They might find the Moon with someone there. Like that Uncle that they found his houses in Dubai.


A: Why is B quiet??
C: Maybe he knows who took the Moon.
B: I am calculating.
A: Calculating who?
B: You know I use this Moon for my night market. Now that there is no Moon, I am calculating how many litres of fuel I will need to put in my generator this night.
A: What if they…
C: (cuts in abruptly) Don’t even say anything about anybody bringing any light. This your government of darkness. Yeye dey smell.
A: But it’s your people’s fault. They are blowing up the pipelines and gas stations that deliver gas for light.
C: Goan seet dan abeg! Before, your government was blaming Kainji Dam for being low; that the rainy season had not started. Now the rains are pouring, you are blaming militants. That time there was zero power generation, there was no bombing of any gas station. This ‘change’ is in reverse motion.
A: But you have to be patient. The destruction of our resources was not done in a day. Rebuilding the resources cannot be done in a day. We will bring all the people responsible to book.
B: Seriously, what is going on with all these EFCC investigations? Have you heard that anyone has been convicted. Or are the cases going to die down and disappear… like Clifford Orji?
A: Heheheheheh!! Where is that one sef??
B: I hear he was released. He’s the secret supplier of body-parts for all these ‘Cabals’.  
C: Which Cabals? Is it the one that killed the former President? Or the one who tried to prevent the Vice-President from becoming the President. Abi is it the Cabals that were fighting subsidy, and have now made Petrol expensive?
B: Maybe the Cabals stole the Moon.
A& C: Hei!!!
B: Yes. I won’t be surprised if they sell it in black market abroad. You know dollar is high now, and it is getting more expensive every day.
A: But the CBN Governor said that the dollar is now available for everybody, and that the price will come down.
C: Which CBN Governor?? The one that has been demoted from class captain to time-keeper.
A: No oh. That’s the NNPC former CEO. He has now been given the portfolio of Chairman.
B: So, he’s now in charge of only the chairs?
C: Don’t mind this travelling government of darkness, that is very ethnocentric and discriminatory. All the top positions have been given to persons from your President’s part of the country. Kuku employ all your people everywhere, and ask us to stay at home and be watching Telemundo.
A: What are you saying?? During your government, was it not your people who occupied all the positions? Besides, our government only appoints the most qualified persons into these positions.
C: So it is only your people who went to school and are the most qualified, ehn? Anyway, I don’t blame you. Your people have been in power since this country was negotiated and have had the opportunity to ensure that your region is entrenched in every government body.
B: Abeg abeg abeg abeg abeg! It’s too early foryour arguments. I hope you both know…hold on. Hello…Uncle…ah, yes o. I don’t think so. Really?? We too, we too. Is that true?? Ehhehhn? Na wa o. Yes, they all fine. Yes they will hear…ehmm…I should be home by 10.30 at night. You can call back then. Thank you. Bye bye.
B: Sorry o..it’s my Uncle in Germany.
A: Oh. How is he? Is their Moon missing as well?
C: How will their Moon miss? Is their Prime Minister travelling like our Oga at the top here.
A: Ah. Maybe the Brexit people took the Moon away as they were leaving.
C: They’ve not left yet now. Abeg, let me stand in front of my own stall, before you people will steal my Customer. The same way you have stolen our oyel.
B: I hope this Moon is found soon o. So that work will resume, and Customers will come out.
A&C: Amen.

(The End)

Note: This work is partly fictional. Any reference to actual persons may or may not be coincidental. Draw the line, as you please.



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  1. Lol. Schinnel you should start writing scripts for nollywood people oh. Stop wasting talent