Rookie's guide to Losing Weight, Keeping Fit and Staying Alive.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

I cannot boast of being feather weight. 

In some climes, I'd actually be referred to as plus size. I'm not too worried about it though, considering my big, big bones. 

It is settled that I can never be feather weight.


I cannot also confess to being a faithful gym rat. I cheat on my exercise schedules. And I get really demotivated by all the 'experts' throwing around 'health advice'.

However, I cannot help blushing in feigned modesty when I hear “Oh my gosh! You look 25”. Or “you haven't changed one bit since 200(blah blah)”.

Yes. I've found my own not-so-expert ways to navigate the murky waters of weight, and thought to pen them down:

No fads Please!
You know all those 'magic' pills, and enchanted waist-trainers, and 'Ultimate 14 days Power-Puff-Weight-Loss Regimen' that Pharmaceutical companies, fashion houses and sports shops conspire to birth in order to keep business moving?? Don’t jump on their train please. They are fads … just passing. And taking you along in circles.

There are no 'get rich quick schemes' when it comes to healthy living. It's a lifestyle long-term process.

It may take you two-three years to totally change your nightly meal in the likes of akpu and ofe-nsala to salads and yoghurts.

Give yourself some time to adjust.
Give your body time to reconfigure.
Give your brain time to get over the heartbreak of ending the love affair with tasty but self-destructive foods.

Remember: long-term rewards trump short-term gratification.

Respect your jeans...Say No
When the popular verse said “He sets a table before me”, it obviously left out “and I devoured everything”.

You must not eat EVERYTHING set before you. You must not eat anything if you're not hungry. Or just for the sake of eating.

Sisters, you must not 'finish' his money at one meal. You've been surviving way before him. You'll survive way after.

Brothers, eating is not a competition (generally). There's no excuse to dive into the food like George of the jungle flying at bananas. Take your time.

And learn to practice the S-T-O-P. Stop.  

If you have no regard for starving children all over the world while you self-destruct in gluttony, respect the denim. They can be quite expensive.

Go green
Confession: I hate greens. Their look. Their taste.

Unfortunately, veggies are good for us. They contain a lot of empty calories, which add no little or fat.

You could cheat with greens. Like eat some garden eggs just before your lunch. You'll find that your stomach's a bit heavy already. So you can’t take a lot of the 'bad' stuff.

Or you could mix a lot of the greens with some whites and browns.

Be 'poor'

In some social environments owning a car or catching a cab is sometimes considered a status symbol. Trekking is almost synonymous with poverty. Invariably, being poor = healthy living.

So be 'poor'. Ditch the ride when you can. Trek to morning coffee. Trek to lunch. Trek to the grocery store. Trek to visit that neighbour.

I know, I know ... walking under the sun in the tropics is near suicidal. You can plan your trek times to be at about the times the sun is not at its murderous peak.
Also discover the power in sunscreen and umbrellas (Yes. Umbrellas are not for rain alone)

Don’t be a fish
If it's not water, cut down on the drinking.

Beer. Wine. Soda. Juice. Oh wait! If it's true natural juice squeezed by you, sure. But those sweet doses of poison we buy in packs ... you'll need to cut down on those too.

They all contain loads of calories we don't need.

(Note to self: heed this advice more)

You are your fridge
You may not have realised it yet. But your fridge controls your body. 

You may not have realised it yet. But your mind controls your fridge. Yes. Even when you're standing right in front of the stack of chocolates.

Let me spell it out how it works:

You're doing your groceries on Saturday afternoon when you're not so hungry. So you appear to be in control of your foodie emotions.

Fast-forward to 9.30 pm Monday night. You just came in from an awful, awful day at work. You did not have the time to eat breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. Your brain is screaming 'Sugar! Sugar!!' You're hungry!!

You rush to find solace in your fridge. And voila! In 20 minutes, you've packed on 2,000 calories in one 'meal'. (There goes a whole week of trekking).

See ... your fridge controls your body. So when shopping to stock-up your fridge, be mindful of the foods (and snacks) you buy. Buy healthier foods with lesser calories. So that when the hunger pangs strip off all your self-control, at least, your recourse is a far-lesser devil.

Just Dance

Dance for every reason. Dance for no reason. Dance till you find a reason.

It doesn’t matter if people think you can't dance... or that you dance too much.

Dancing is one of the fastest ways to burn the blocks of fat. It works on every part of the body.

When in church, be the first to jump up and dance, and the last to sit. When at the club, focus on the dancing, rather than the 'pick-ups'.

And if you really have that horrible day at work, just get back home, lock your doors, crank your speakers, and DANCE!

You melt both the anger and the calories away.

Two birds. One stone.



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