Meet My Busy Mind.

Pause and remember the things that really matter

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

I saw you!

Yes you!!

(Why are you looking back though??)

YOU.

Rolling your eyes at me, muttering under your breath "Just this two minutes of going viral on the internet... and she thinks she's famous"?

Yhen. Yhen. Yhen.

Oh well... I roll my eyes at me too. Heck, I roll my eyes for no reason.

*rolls eyes*

But vex or not... I did recently become quite suddenly 'famous', without seeing it coming. (Read aaaalllll about it here)

In my short seven days of being under the spotlight, I now understand why Beyonce never responds to any of my numerous Instagram messages; the majority of which is a daily reminder to her how much we were besties on our former lives.

I have received over 70,000 messages!!!!

(Okay... hyperbole much)

But I have received a LOT of messages... which, even though I'm thankful for the positive exposure... where do I start responding from???

(*exhausted face*)

And then... there are the ones who have been sending me calls for various donations.

(Lol. It seems we forgot to put out the word that I would love donations for my pretty self too)

Eventually, I was forced to pop this public service announcement on my personal Facebook page, that:

(This is the time to make a Nigerian friend. At the very least, to interprete this exotic piece of naija-lingo)

Seriously... this brief period has been an eye-opening experience for yours truly. One day, you're a relatively unknown law aficionado (from a tight-knit family), with a blog for a hobby, and a thing for cracking chicken bones after munching all the chicken.

Next day, you're that "Nigerian-Canadian lawyer who danced at her call to Bar", with ~~70,000~~ numerous messages flying in, and at least 20 sudden marriage proposals.

(Who will tell the boo?)

For all my being active on Social Media, I had trained myself over time to simply drop my phone and face life the most of the time. Especially considering the real life demands of my career as a lawyer (of which Law will always be my first love).

In the wake of this new-found fame, I found myself holding on to my phone a little more, peering at the screen a little longer, and being lost mid-conversation while casually distracted by answering a pop-up notification.

(Was this what B meant; that at various levels of “success”, it would be important to pause, reassess your priorities, and remind yourself of the things that really matter?)

So, I held a one-woman intervention for myself, and had a meeting with the community upstairs.

This meeting reminded me that while my community on Social Media is greatly revered, the love from people all over the world is endearing, and the increased feedback from the lives that this platform positively affects is encouraging, none of this would be possible, if not for my goal of excelling in my real life career.

You see... there are bills to be paid and clients to be kept happy. And even as I prepare for meetings all-week, I have again reassessed my priorities, and been reminded of the most important thing for me:

Staying on top of my game in my real life career. Being the best that I could ever be.

So you MUST forgive me - and it is a MUST - if I 'disappear' for a while, and/or fail to respond to your messages. Because notwithstanding my acquired social media status (whatever that means), the level of attention my daily life demands has not dropped, and I am yet to discover the secret inheritance my great-grandfather left for me.

(Grandpa had a real knack for hiding things. Sigh.)

But not to worry; I will always be around you somewhere... like that annoying wasp you've been trying to get rid of for 27 summers.

I am just finding my way back to being that law aficionado (from a tight-knit family), with a blog for a hobby... and a thing for cracking chicken bones after munching all of the chicken.

Those are the things which matter to me the most.

(Especially the chicken bones) 😉

Paz,

Meg.

*Have you followed our blog today? Simply click on the Follow button to the right-side of the post, for your computer screen, or keeeep scrolling down on your hand-held device. And keeeeeeeep scrolling further down, to add us to your circles.

Photo-Credits:
1. Clem Onojeghuo on www.unsplash.com
2. www.knowyourmeme.com

3 Comments

Career

It takes a village to break into a dance.

Wednesday, October 03, 2018

There is a saying in Africa, that it takes a village to train a child. In my case, the village more than trained me: they made me break into a dance.

In quite a serendipitous turn of events, my Social Media alter-ego found herself viral on the internet over the weekend. This was as a result of my dancing to receive the Certificate affirming my lawyer status, for the second time in one lifetime.

I became ’famous peoples'!

But the events leading to the drama of last weekend and the journey to my becoming a Canadian lawyer can actually be traced waaaaay back to 2012.

***

You see, I like to refer to the period between 2012 and 2013 as my "first missionary journey". (With a tad bit of tongue-in-cheek cynicism)

I had been awarded a double scholarship for a Masters Degree in Business Law by my (now) alma-mater, Dalhousie University.

Armed with naive optimism, my sheer swag, faith in "Naija-nor-dey-carry-last”, and ZERO preparation, I stormed the sleepy city of Halifax, to show them the stuff I was made of.

And I crashed.(Ish)

Actually, I fell yakata on my back; legs and hands flailing in the air.

I had not equipped myself with the prior knowledge I required to hit the ground running in my program. I had not prepared myself for the culture shock, or the numbing effect of the Atlantic cold on my hitherto tropical-African brain.

I had not prepared myself for anything.

So I found myself struggling, between coursework, research, writing, and surviving as a first-time immigrant in a new place.

Dropping out of the program was no option, and I was expected to hit high grades in all of my courses.

I failed to leverage on my network of family and friends who had gone before me, in order to obtain helpful information, and find out what to expect academically and socially. And I internalised the struggle I faced.

I was lost.

Around the time I finally began getting a grip on things, boom! My program was over.

(Wait... what???)

Ok. At least, my program was over. I could finally move on with my life and continue practicing... right???

Wrong.

I quite suddenly realised that all of my degrees were (practically) useless if I wanted to practice law, until I concluded the actual lawyer licensing process. This blindsided me, because I had merely 'presumed' I'd be able to practice with my Masters degree, and my prior lawyer licence.

All because I failed to ask questions, do personal research, reach out to my community and arm myself with readily available information.

(Sigh)

But I was not ready to settle for "just anything". It was either continue practicing law... or nothing.

So with my virtual tail between my legs, I jejely packed my load on my head, and returned to continue practicing law in my country of birth. Despite the fact that I had fallen in love with my new "home".

Which is why when the opportunity presented itself years later for me to return, I did things very differently.

I took a lot of time to really think through the decision. I did required research on what I needed to do to hit the ground running, I asked all the right questions, and I saved up like my life depended on it.

I still hesitated in moving, and it was only when the universe began to throw heaps of rocks in my way that it became apparent that there was more waiting for me on this side of the world.

This time, I had the good sense to involve my "village": my personal network of family and friends. I tapped into their wealth of information, the support they were willing to provide, and their shared experiences.

My village came through for me.

There was the one who would purchase the books I required and send them to me to enable me begin preparing, even before I had come back in.

There was the one who made me meals, held my hands through the anxiety, and encouraged me to keep going, even when quitting was most attractive.

There was the one who stayed up late with me severally, because I had to finish a certain number of pages, and my head was bound to hit the reading table once they turned in for the night.

A core member of my village, often staying up late with me to keep me company while I studied.

There was the one who provided me with clarifications for the questions I had at different stages of the process.

There were the ones who ensured that my only preoccupation was studying hard, while they placed a roof above my head, and strangled worries over accrued bills.

From miles away, there were the ones who kept cheering me on, and showing unwavering faith.

And those ones who prayed with me, held their chests in trepidation with me, and screamed with me in joy when all the results had finally rolled in, and it became apparent that this dream was certainly morphing into a pleasant reality.

But my village did not stop at supporting me through the arduous exams and other obstacles. In the days leading to my call to the Ontario Bar, I became pretty apprehensive. Because while I had been interviewing for various roles, I had not received a firm offer yet.

My village always reminded me of how much we had all achieved in so short a time, and laid to rest my fears that I would not break into the legal market. These members of my village filled me up with so much excitement that by that day, I was bursting at the seams in exhilaration.

A cross-section of my support structure. I did not have to walk this path alone.

And so, it was with a heart filled with gratitude, that I was ready to walk across that stage, as my name was about to be called.

I flirted with the thought of throwing a salute to my village members in the crowd, to these ones who had toiled as hard as I did on this journey.

But there was that moment of hesitant fear: could I really break the norm??

I looked to my right, and saw a beautiful indigenous lady, also waiting to be called, with her orange cape seated squarely on her shoulders, and a sleek piece of white feather in her hair.

I looked ahead to the line, and saw the well manicured and smiling gentleman, his black turban impeccably wrapped on his head as he beamed with joy, waiting for his name to be called.

And in that moment, I was reminded that this amazing country was a proudly beautiful melting-pot of diversity in cultures and beliefs.

What better time to celebrate my Naija-Canadian heritage than by breaking into the revered shaku-shaku, at being announced as a Canadian lawyer?

So I first teased with the "Wakanda Forever" sign, in hopes that the crowd was as much of a Marvel enthusiast and a Black Panther addict as I was.

That roar in the hall, and the very warm twinkle in the Treasurer's eyes as he gently chuckled was all I needed to ignore the rest of the fear. (After all... a little fear never killed anyone)

The rest - as they say - is history. You can always come back to this post, and tell your children's children that "Look... that was the first lady to ever dance the shaku-shaku at her call to Bar ceremony".

Bants and jokes aside, I reflect on the past year, and my heart is so full of gratitude. That all my efforts and sacrifices - including staying away from this blog for weeks - were crowned with good success.

I have been too overwhelmed with the sheer support and love I have received on this journey, to worry too much about the future. I know that this is the start of a new chapter in my life, and have firm faith that it is a beautiful future which lies ahead. 😊

I am often reminded of the saying, that "if you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together".

I have gone far, and I have gone through it considerably fast. Because of the undeniable support I had from my community; my "village".

And for this, I will always be thankful.

Paz,

Meg.

*Have you followed our blog today? Simply click on the Follow button to the right-side of the post, for your computer screen, or keeeep scrolling down on your hand-held device. And keeeeeeeep scrolling further down, to add us to your circles.

13 Comments

Common Sense

Four lessons from Naomi, Ramos and Serena

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

This is a pictorial representation of me in the wake of the finals for the women’s (single) in the 2018 tennis US open. This is how I have been peeping from time to time to be sure that no more chairs are being thrown, and it is now safe to speak again:

Tempers were high all across the world. Everyone had an opinion, even those who knew neither what tennis was, or who Serena Williams is.

You know the most infuriating thing to tell someone in a worked-up fit? “Calm Down!”.

Lol. This just revves the engine of the anger.

The whole world was in a fit; everyone was shouting and no one was listening. Now that time has worked its magic, perhaps… we can calmly reflect over the events of that night and distill lessons to be learnt?

Naomi

I have never seen a 20-year old so poised, graceful and calm in the face of such overwhelming drama.

Naomi is the sort of 20 year old that typical Nigerian parents would point to and quip “Don’t you see Naomi? See how she is so jeje.”

She understood that the happenings on the field were beyond just the tennis game, and that she was just caught in the cross-fire. Rather than adding to the already brimming clash of egos, she held her own, without detracting from her goal to give her famous opponent a good run for her money, and turning her back on the drama when necessary.

She realised she was collateral damage in the carnage of emotions that night, but she did not let that deter her from her prize.

Naomi earned her right to deserve a win, and even though the win in this case was tainted with unwelcome controversy, she remained unshaken in accepting her well deserved accolades.

Yes, she acknowledged with a shaky voice and eyes full of tears that she would have preferred the win in less-controversial circumstances. But it was still a win that day, and the world will not forget.

She had earned her right to claim the crown that day.

Naomi is a lesson in the vicissitudes of life, to always stay calm and focused on the goal, notwithstanding distractions thrown at us, notwithstanding that we played no part in inviting the distractions.

Keep your eyes on the prize always, and know when to walk away from drama that does not concern you.

Ramos

Misogynoir.

That was a word I learned in the wake of the controversy. Coined by black Feminist Moya Bailey, it refers to specific prejudice targeted at black women.

It has been used to explain the basis of Ramos’ actions since after the drama of that night.

I am not sure I would quite quickly label him as a ‘misognoist’, even though I have seen the footage which made the rounds, of how he also meted Serena’s sister - Venus Williams - with similar harshness during a prior match.

I doubt that two instances is enough to hang so heavy a label on even Ramos. (I am an officer in the temple of justice… remember?) I would probably have to review his past interactions every black females he has had contact with, before I can broadly label him as a ‘misogynoist’.

But Ramos reminds me of those Nigerian lower-cadre civil servants, whom given slight power over other individuals, exploit it to the fullest while playing God over the tiniest things such as a cup of coffee.

Foaming over his authority as the judge and jury over the futures of two women, and ensuring no one was left in doubt as to who the “man of the match” was.

Ramos could have done without the continued penalizing of Serena; as the umpire, he had room to choose where to grant concessions, and where to put his foot down. But there is a large line between putting one’s foot down, and overbearingly wielding one’s power.

He chose the latter path.

Ramos is a lesson in management, in which even I have jotted down my notes: that one should be cautious to not turning into a power-tripping tyrant, thereby winning the battle, but creating a needless war and losing the respect of subordinates.

Serena

If there was no God, and we were all mandated to worship another human, Serena would be my human-deity.

But there is a God, and I am content with pure adulation for Serena.

Her sheer grit in attaining the heights she has attained, while blazing the trail for black women all over the world and passing the positive message that you can be anything you put your heart be.

Serena has also been vocal off-courts in advocating for equal pay for women, and we have watched her body being policed, even as she has endured unequal scrutiny in playing her sport.

She has endeared our hearts in being vocal about the physical strain of motherhood, and her struggle to return to her top form.

I am sure that just like me, millions all over the world had placed their bet on her walking away from the courts that night with her 25^th grand-slam. Which explains – although, does not justify - the unified booing from the crowd at the unexpected turn of even.

But Serena… girrrrrrl, you had no business falling for the bait!

It was enough that Ramos had taken one point away from her for the alleged “cheating”, even after she explained serially that there was no cheating from her end. That he was pig-headed in heeding to her explanation should have been enough of a red flag regarding his countenance to her.

In my opinion, what was most painful was not that Ramos took away her point, thereby kick-starting the down-ward spiral leading to her eventual loss. It was that Serena allowed Ramos to bait her into aiding him in robbing her (and us all) of ever knowing if she would have won or lost that match, square and fair.

(Now that was a mouthful!)

Yes, male players are not penalized for the things Serena said.

Yes, male (and other players) have been coached before during matches without being penalized.

This is however is insufficient defense to an allegation of misconduct; that others had committed same wrong, without attracting equal penalty.

Let us adopt the analogy of traffic offenders; a claim that an earlier traffic offender ran the red light without attracting a ticket is insufficient defense to a ticket against a subsequent traffic offender.

The important thing is whether a regulation provides for certain misconduct, a breach of which attracts a given penalty.

In this case, Serena’s coach’s signs to her (which the coach subsequently admitted as coaching), her throwing her racket on the floor and (justified?) insults to the umpire all resulted in breaches against the rules of the game, thereby leading to rapid and sustained penalties against her eventually leading to her losing the match.

This is not to take away from the fact that the coach was clearly on a power-trip, and the possibility that he had some personal disaffinity to Serena. Unfortunately, any clear-cut complaints she may have had has been obfuscated in the light of her infractions, resulting from arguably righteous anger.

Serena is a lesson in the pursuit of success; that when the stakes are high, the littlest things matter.

It is better to err on the side of caution in mastering one’s passion, and not letting our buttons be pressed, thereby allowing that which drives us to be twisted by others and used against us in causing us calculated failure, or delayed progress.

But the greatest lesson of all was the conviviality exhibited by Serena and Naomi towards each other, despite the controversial turn of events.

This passes a strong message that even though we may find ourselves in situations of perceived conflict involving another person, we should be open enough in the right circumstances to understand that we are not the other's enemy. Rather, the conflict may be as a result of the actions of an outside force, which conflict should not see us turn on each other., but to turn to each other.

If there are other lessons you gleaned from the events of the very eventful match, please share it below.

And if you disagree with all or some of what has been stated above, let’s hear your thoughts too!

Paz,

Meg.

Photo-Credits (In order of appearance):

1. www.tennismash.com

2. www.kisseshappen.com

3. www.starecat.com

4. www.indianexpress.com

5. www.news.com.au

6. www.pbs.org

6 Comments

Pause and remember the things that really matter

It takes a village to break into a dance.

Four lessons from Naomi, Ramos and Serena

MEG CHINELO EGBUNONU

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