Meet My Busy Mind.

It is NEVER over

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

If you're anything like me, you might have felt a ~~slight~~ heavy sense of alarm when we stepped into December 1st, and you were still miles away from hitting those 2018 aspirations.

(Am I right? Or, am I right??)

As I rolled into the month of December, there was this subconscious sense of urgency that rolled in with me. Like:

I literally panicked. Because I realised that I had not achieved all of what I had set my mind to for 2018. And BOOM! The year was almost over, just like that.

This panic made me slow down for just a teeny-weeny second.

And then, I dived right back into the hustle.

I realised December had 31 days left. Heck... all I needed was just one day, an hour even, maybe just a minute for something significant to happen.

And it did happen.

I have crossed the topmost item on my bucket-list for the year, while I keep pushing to cross out the remaining items on the list, and eventually tear the list.

It does not matter that everyone around seems to be ‘shutting down’; I am still revved up and going at full throttle.

After all, Life does not pause to drink a beer, just because Christmas rice and chicken is around the corner. 🙄

So this is for you, who feels the year is pretty much over, and “Meh. I’ve lost out. What's the point anyway?”.

Flush that pity-party - or whatever witchery that is - down the drain, and keep pushing right on. The year is not over. You still have 19 days to meet your set target for the year.

And if come December 31st, you have still not met those targets... that too is ok. The important thing is that you never stopped pushing. It is only when you stop trying, that you earn the luxury of beating yourself up for failure.

And I will happily climb up a palm tree, to cut the cane for you, like:

Right now, keep pushing until you achieve your aim. Be it this year, next year, or when ever it crystallizes. Just keep putting in your best, without giving in or throwing down the shovel.

Because it is never over. Unless YOU say it is over, braw.

Aluta continua!

Paz,

Meg.

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Photo-Credits:

1. www.unsplash.com - Hutomo Abrianto
2. www.giphy.com
3. www.giphy.com
4. www.giphy.com (Courtesy of "Empire" by Fox Studios))

4 Comments

Life

Your Greatest Legacy

Wednesday, December 05, 2018

Image result for maya angelou and oprah winfrey

Have you ever been on LinkedIn, and felt like running far, far away?

I mean, it is an amazing app. I personally believe it is the best of them all (I do not joke with my LinkedIn at all)

I have met the most amazing professional contacts via LinkedIn, and built a formidable network there. I have also accessed career opportunities I had no business accessing, but for the gift that LinkedIn is.

However, sometimes the professional accomplishments of others can be a tad bit intimidating.

(Blood of Zechariah!)

With twenty-year-olds rolling out first-class PhD degrees (even as you “package” your college diploma), and entrepreneurs springing up billion-dollar innovative ideas, while floating their hot-cake companies.

With everyone winning one award or the other, it could sometimes feel as though you are left far-far behind, and that which should challenge you to be better could (if not careful) push you into a place of frozen fear.

In the process of measuring our accomplishments by the yardstick of everyone around us, we sometimes forget to draw strength from how far we have come to where we are, on to where our life’s journey is taking us.

I know; I have been there.

In fact, I was there not too long ago. Yes, even with the fairly recent "accolades”, and hundreds of felicitations from people known and unknown.

It happens to even the strongest, and ‘happiest’ of us all. The nagging feeling inside, that we have not done enough, may never do enough, and that no matter how hard we strive, it will never be enough.

But then, I stumbled on this video by Oprah Winfrey that set me back straight.

Oprah had just started a school, and was proudly telling her friend the late (amazing!) Maya Angelou that this school will be her – Oprah’s - “greatest legacy”.

In response however, Maya told Oprah “You have no idea. You have no idea… because your greatest legacy is every life you touched”.

Honestly, at that point I just stopped the video. It was as though Maya herself had risen from the grave and slapped me into perspective.

The thing is while I was bent on ‘achieving’ the greatest awards (which in itself is not a bad thing), I had become distracted in moping around for not hitting certain self-actualising goals I had set for myself and in the process, had lost sight of that which should be MY greatest legacy:

Touching lives.

As though a confirmation of what Maya (through Oprah) was saying, I received an email from an old friend, of how my article on “For the Strong woman” had helped her (and was helping her) through a dark period.

I cried when I read that email. And I drew strength from it also.

For all the days I had contemplated shutting down the blog, wondering “who reads this sh*t anyway?”, this was more than enough reason to keep going on.

That while I may never draw traffic to my blog like the TMZs and Linda Ikejis of our world (especially considering my declared love and dedication to my nine-to-five career), I have been the candle in someone’s darkness, without even knowing it.

In that moment, the first book that St. Paul wrote to his friends in Corinth (chapter 13, verse 1) made sense to me; that “if I speak all the tongues of men or angels, but I do not have love, I am nothing but a noisy drum or a clanging cymbal”.

If we built the world’s tallest skyscrapers, and became the highest paid, most sought after professional on earth, without having touched another’s life positively, then the “greatness” of our legacy is questionable.

This video has reminded me – and I hope you too - that the sum of all our achievements should boil down to changing the lives of others for the better. So that after we have long gone, we are remembered for the good we sowed in others, rather than just the (financial) wealth we amassed for ourselves.

This is by no means an exaltation of mediocrity and/or encouraging laziness. Rather, this is to put things in perspective; that even if you have not “achieved” what the world generally views as success, do not be dismayed.

As you daily keep striving to be the best version of yourself possible, be conscious of and engaged in positively affecting the lives of the people around you, one life at a time, thereby building the best legacy possible.

The legacy of Love.

Always remember that true success does not lie in what you have amassed, but the lives you have touched positively, the people you have shown kindness, and the amount of love you have spread in this cold, cruel world.

To borrow a line from Diana Ross, “After all is said and done, Love is all that matters”.

Paz,

Meg.

Photo-Credit:

www.abc.com

Video Credit:
www.youtube - Bloomberg

0 Comments

Human Rights

Conversations with the next generation: Let's talk about Sex.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

I see your horrified judjy face.

"Finally... she caved into the blogging pressure!"

Relax! This conversation is not about that kind of "talk". (Your unholy mind!) Rather, this conversation has its roots in the #MeToo and #TimesUp movement.

We have witnessed unprecedented revelations of sexual misconduct globally, with more people opening up, and speaking out about past sexual harassment and/or abuses suffered.

Indeed, this period will forever remain etched in history as the era when the chicken finally came home to roost.

Organisations are setting up structures to prevent future occurrences of sexual harassment at the workplace and in schools. And activists daily encourage more people to stand up and call out any perpetrators, thereby setting the stage for the next generation to not see sexual harassment and predatory behaviour as "a normal thing".

Instead, that "No means NO", and the mandatory necessity of mutual consent at EVERY point, in any given dalliance.

The #MeToo and #TimesUp movements have proven that there is no greater deterrent to perpetrators of sexual harassment than the fact that their victims will no longer be silenced. Thus, the culture of letting the actors walk free away free is visibly being fought against (thankfully).

But it is not assured that predators will suddenly be wiped out in one fell swoop, and acts of sexual harassment will automatically cease. Even as we turn the spotlight on the predators, it is important that we also have certain conversations with the younger ones in our society – the next generation – so as to equip them in fighting this evil, and ensuring it does not survive to the generation after theirs.

Unfortunately, in the most of these conversations, there is one vital part we do not often talk about or fail to talk about ENOUGH, particularly in our African settings:

Sex.

A lot of focus is placed on the acts leading up to unsavoury incidents, and the aftermath, creating the need to speak up.

But seldom adequate attention is given to the uncomfortable in between, in which sex may or may not occur.

It is as important to have these conversations around sex; to enable the next generation understand from a very early age, that the only person with the rights to your body is yourself.

To spread the message that "giving-in for peace sake" does not solve the problem, but may instead, rear other problems in its wake, along the spectrum of which could feature STDs, unplanned pregnancies, the permanent trauma, loss of self-esteem, etc.

That despite (possible) threats from predators, there are no ‘consequences’ for speaking the truth. Rather, this will ensure that more harm is avoided.

It is important to let the next generation know that despite everything else in the world (from Social Media to weekly shows) literally screaming that "everyone is doing it... Just Do It!", there is nothing 'uncool' about not being ready to have sex at a given time. There is nothing wrong with refusing to cave in to the peer pressure to have sex, even at frat parties.

Especially at frat parties.

Our conversations should fundamentally equip younger people with foundational knowledge that there is nothing wrong with them for not wanting to "get down with it", so that they do not fall victim to reverse-psychology antics of "it is just sex".

It is never just “sex”. It is YOUR body, your life, your future.

And there is no shame in a blatant NO.

There is no requirement for a reason.

In these conversations, it is important to teach that when one is being harassed with unwanted sexual attention in the guise of “flowery advances”, the object of this undesired affection should point-blankedly remove any such coatings, call it out for the harassment it is, and in reporting any such incidents should be unashamed to clearly articulate the harasser’s wrong actions.

No sugar-coating like "s/he wanted us to be closer, more than friends. I did not really want it”. Or "s/he wanted us to 'hang-out' at the hotel".

Rather, "s/he wanted us to meet at the hotel. I asked what for and if there was going to be sex. S/he said maybe, and I said I was not interested”.

It is important that we equip the next generation with the power to be direct in conversations surrounding sex, in order to clearly establish boundaries, and ensure that their desired boundaries are not broken.

They should not be afraid to talk about sex, even without (necessarily) engaging in it. There should be no 'discomfort' or 'awkwardness'; just plain-cut conversations as should be.

And if despite all these, somehow, the predator still gets their way, we should strengthen the next generation to understand that there is no shame in being a survivor of unwanted sex or sexual harassment/abuse.

It is important that survivors own their own narrative in speaking out, rather than caving in to the harmful culture of being labelled a “snitch”, and invariably enabling the proliferation of the culture by keeping silent.

This way, we can totally to demystify the silence that comes with rape and sexual assault, and build a tell-it-as-it-is culture, where predators realise they will be called out, shamed, and made to face the full wrath of justice.

Again, what better deterrent than this could we possibly have?

Paz,

Meg.

Photo-Credits:

www.unsplash.com - Rawpixel

3 Comments

Gender Equality

International Men's Day.. and Matters Arising

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

This past Monday was International Men's Day (yaaay!!)

Individuals and organisations all over the world celebrated the awesome males among us. You can be sure that we joined to celebrate our men as well.

But...

In the wake of the celebrations, I came across a couple of (tongue-in-cheek) comments, questioning why Men's day was not as celebrated with the same amount of flair, pomp and pageantry, as Women's day.

(Duuh. Ask Sista Beyonce who runs the world)

On a serious note however, these comments are rather similar to the Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day comparisons. About how there are several Mothers’ Days, depending on one’s country and/or religious denomination. On the other hand, Fathers’ Day does not boast of such proliferation. Rather, a singular day across board,which is not met with equal measure of excitement.

Is it that men/fathers are regarded to have sacrificed or given less than women/mothers? Is it that the world has now ‘devalued’ the value of men?

I do not think so.

Realistically, it goes without saying that from time immemorial, it has been a "man's world". Life - through meticulously constructed patriarchal institutions and indoctrination - has generally been suited to favour men, with everything about mankind (all pun intended) being carved in the shadow of the man.

It is only with our generation, with us pushing for change and diversity and equality, that women are (finally!) beginning to come into their own. Even at that, there are still numerous glass ceilings standing between women and achieving great heights like their male counterparts, in the struggle for equality.

It is for this reason that there is much more celebration of women; recognising the extra hurdles they surmount in rightly putting themselves on the same pedestal with males, in a world designed to suit male values.

It is quite similar to the conversations around the celebration of Black History month every February, and why there is no corresponding “White History month”.

This is because most other things in the world celebrates European-styled culture, with the ‘natural’ expectation of the rest of the world to follow suit.

This is visible in the majority of the television cartoons, beauty commercials, the demand for 'good' hair at schools or the work place, and when teachers continue to peddle the narrative that Mungo Park 'discovered' the River Niger.

(*cough)

But people are recognizing the past sacrifices in the world and great lengths people of colour have had to go to; obstacles they surmounted in achieving 'success' equal to their counterparts of European heritage, even while being the minority. Hence, Black History month and the accompanying celebrations.

Similar to the case our men: it all boils down to the conscious acknowledgement of the existence of privilege.

The fact that there IS male privilege, and women excel despite the prejudices that this privilege occasions. This is why it would appear as though women are celebrated more, as posited by reverse-discrimination conspiracy theorists.

This is not so easily the case. Women just have more reasons to rejoice when they succeed and pat themselves on the back, because they (generally) have more mountains to climb, and obstacles to face.

But is this to say that men do not have their fair share of struggles, and/or should not be celebrated? Absolutely not!

While we acknowledge that the average human male probably does not have it as difficult as his female counterpart ... we recognise the struggles and sacrifices our men also make in the daily struggle for survival in this journey called life.

We appreciate the input and support of male allies, and stand strong with our men who have also been victims of #MeToo; who just like us, are refusing to keep quiet any longer.

Besides... how would the world continue to exist without the male-kind?

So on this International Men’s Day celebration, I say to the amazing men living among us: You are special, and highly valued. Keep being amazing, and using your male privilege for the greater good in enthroning fairness, social justice, diversity, inclusion and equality.

Happy International Men’s Day.

With love,

Meg.

Photo-Credits in order of appearance:

1. www.unsplash.com - Taylor Grote

2. www.unsplash.com - Javier Reyes

3. www.giphy.com

0 Comments

It is NEVER over

Your Greatest Legacy

Conversations with the next generation: Let's talk about Sex.

International Men's Day.. and Matters Arising

MEG CHINELO EGBUNONU

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